To The Bitter End
by vivi-vixen
Summary: Altair can’t forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can’t cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

Altair stared blankly at the ceiling. Voices echoed in his head, the voices of the dead. He closed his eyes, trying to still the phantoms that whispered in his ear. He was an assassin; he killed people everyday without a second thought so why did these ones haunt him? Was it because they believed themselves innocent, believed that what they did was for the greater good or was it because of HIM? Was his death the reason he was haunted? Was his death the one he couldn't forget? The one he couldn't bear to face for fear of going mad? Unasked for his eyes flashed in Altairs' mind, his quickly fading eyes and his blood covered face. Altairs' eyes snapped open and he sat up on the bed. Why was he haunted? He had done the right thing. These people wanted world domination, wanted to enslave the people and he had stopped them, all of them.

"_I will miss you, Altair. You were my very best student."_

Yes he was haunted, he would never forget and it was killing him. Every night he was visited in his dreams, replaying the last moments of his master. He had taken to not sleeping, wandering the halls of the Masyaf fortress or simply walking through the village, visited by memories of dead friends long gone.

"_What could I possibly fear? Look at the power I command."_

"Master."

Altair was torn. Al Mualim had been his master, the person he had trusted the most, he had known more about Altair than anyone. He would have done anything for Al Mualim, killed anyone, sacrifice everything for him, for the brotherhood, but their master had betrayed them. Altair had tried to convince himself that the man he had killed hadn't been his master, that his master had died as soon as he had set eyes on that 'piece of Eden'. How long ago had that been, before Altair had even known his master, before he had even become an assassin? His masters' betrayal had cut through him sharper than any blade could have. His master had been the only person that Altair had ever opened up to; he'd trusted his master with everything, all his secrets and then he'd had that trust repaid in betrayal, being used like some puppet in an elaborate play all for his mentor to gain power.

Altair felt like weeping, every day and night his masters death was replayed before his eyes, his final moments tormenting him forever and Altair was beginning to feel numb to everything else apart from the pain he'd caused to his victims, he needed to feel again, anything even if it wasn't pleasant. He curled up into a ball on his bed and felt one solitary tear run down his cheek. He needed to feel but no one knew that Altair was quickly falling apart.

---

Malik cursed. The piles of paper in his former master's room were gigantic and it was his job to read all of them. It had been months since his masters death and still more secrets were beginning to come to light. He had exiled Altair from the room since he thought that his friend wouldn't be able to handle some of the truths that had come to light. Malik had hated Al Mualim for what he had put Altair through but now, after some of the things he had read, he wished that he had been the one to run his blade through his throat.

"What's this?"

A small, red leather bound book was the next item on the pile, this instantly grabbed Maliks attention as all the other documents had been pieces of parchment with his master's cursive writing on it. Malik took the book down from the pile, opened it and began to read.

_Altair came to see me today, the foolish young boy was actually asking me for forgiveness. What an idiot, he trusts me with so many of his secrets never realizing that when the time comes I can hang them over his head and threaten to tell the people whom he loves about the real him._

**The real him? What the hell does that mean? **Malik decided to ask Altair about the later and carried on reading.

_One day, when the time is right, I will bring his world crashing down. He will be my ultimate servant, no mind of his own and no self-confidence or independence left to give me any resistance, I wish that it did not have to be this way but I will crush anyone who seems to be a threat._

Malik had finally decided that this was Al Mualims journal and that it could hold the secrets to why he had turned against his brethren. Malik was about to take it to Altair to show when he decided against it, if Altair saw what the master was going to do to him it might bring his entire world crashing down.

**But if what Al Mualim says is true and Altair really did trust him above all others it must have really hurt him when he had to kill him, maybe I should go and check just in case.**

Malik put Al Mualims diary down on the table and quickly stood up. Some of the other Assassins in the room looked at him confused as he walked quickly around the table and down the stairs, heading for Altairs room.

---

Altair was still lying on his bed. He stared at the ceiling as the voices of the dead continued to haunt him. He had curled into a ball on the bed, holding onto his head trying to will the voices to leave him be. Al Mualim, Robert De Sable and all the other people he had killed in his life were whispering in his ear. He thought he could hear faintly below the shouts the sound of a knock on the door and his name being called out faintly. The screams overrode it though and he began to scream with them.

"STOP PLEASE STOP!"

He couldn't take it anymore, he had to feel more than madness, he had to stop the voices. He put the wrist with the hidden blade attached against the other, shut his eyes and activated it. The blade pierced his wrist and he screamed in pain. Blood rushed over the bed sheets dying it red, he pulled the blade out and screamed again as more blood ran from the wound. His eyesight began to dim and he felt his eyelids go heavy. Before he slipped out of consciousness he heard an almighty crash and the sound of someone screaming his name.

**Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

_A Few moments ago_

Malik stood outside Altairs door. There was silence on the other side and Malik thought Altair would be asleep. He knocked on the door and called Altairs name out. There was no answer and he was just about to leave when he heard.

"STOP PLEASE STOP!"

Malik spun around and began to bang on Altairs door.

"ALTAIR! ALTAIR OPEN UP!"

His only answer was a scream of pain. He took two steps back and ran at the door, trying to knock it down with his shoulder. Around him other doors were opening and assassins heads were poking out, another scream of pain gave him a little extra strength and he ran at the door again and it burst open. The sights inside made him go pale.

Altair was lying on sheets that were red with his own blood. His hidden blade was out and covered with his own blood. He saw the bloody wound on his wrist and instantly knew what Altair had done.

"ALTAIR!"

Some other assassins were looking in with wide eyes and mouths. Malik spun on them.

"Don't just stand there! Get some bandages, medicines and doctors, NOW!"

The assassins all ran in different directions following his orders. Malik turned back into Altairs room and entered it on shaky feet. He sat on a clean part of Altairs bed and gently grabbed the other assassin. He placed his fingers on the pulse point on his neck and felt.

**Good, he's still alive. Come on Altair, hang in there.**

Footsteps behind him made him tense up. Even though he was in his home his assassin instincts made him prepared for anything. He glanced over his shoulder and relaxed when he saw the village's resident doctor. The doctor took one look at Altair and ushered Malik out of the room. Malik took one last look over his shoulder to his comatose and dying friend before the door was slammed in his face.

---

"Altair? Wake up Altair"

Altair groaned and opened his eyes. His eyesight was blurred but he could make out the shape of Malik standing above him.

"Hi Malik"

The face above him smiled and leant down close so his mouth was just above Altairs. In barely more than a whisper he said;

"I was so worried about you; don't ever do that to me again."

The man above him put his hand on Altairs cheek. Altair leant into it slightly, hardly believing what was happening. He'd wanted this for so long, acceptance, love, friendship and now he was getting it from the person he wanted it from the most. He looked up at Malik and smiled, all his love being shown through his eyes.

"You were worried?"

The smile on Malik's face was going in and out of focus but Altair could see it had become crueller, less human. Altair tried to pull away from Malik but winced as the mans nails dug into his cheek, his other hand coming to rest lightly around his throat.

**Wait a minute, other hand?**

"Who are you? You're not Malik."

The face above him distorted and changed. Altair gasped as the face of his master loomed above him. The hand around his throat tightened astronomically making the breath rush out of Altair and little black spots dance in front of his eyes.

"_Foolish child, so full of dreams and ambition. I thought I had rid you of this foolishness, these selfish desires. I guess I failed, but know this, Malik will never see you as anything more than the man who killed his brother. Altair __Ibn La-Ahad;__ disgraced assassin and murderer that's all you'll ever be to him."_

Altair choked out a response. The hand around his neck tightened even more and Altair knew instantly that he was helpless to the mad man above him.

"He…he said that…that I was a different person. That I had…had changed. I wasn't the man he used to know."

"_So he said, but can you be sure that he wasn't lying, using you by pretending to be your friend, just like I did."_

Al Mualim looked down at Altair and laughed, raking his nails along Altairs cheek, leaving long bloody wounds in his cheek. Altair winced and watched as his former master began to laugh manically.

---

Altairs eyes sprang open and a small squeak came out of his mouth. Assassins weren't afraid of anything, everyone knew that but Altair was ashamed to say he could no longer call himself an assassin. The dream he had just had had scared him, it had terrified him. Not because of the pain, oh no he could handle that but with the possibility that his former master was right. He tried to turn over but winced in pain. He looked down at his arm and saw crisp white bandages adorning his wrists. He remembered piercing his wrists with his hidden blade, the coppery smell of blood and the sound of a crash and a voice.

**That voice, it was Malik's.**

He felt terrible; his old friend had seen him in a pitiful state. He probably hated him now and that combined with the warning his master had given him made tears well up in his eyes. He curled himself up into a ball, listening to the echoes of his masters' deranged laughter.

Some time later a voice came from behind him.

"How are you feeling master assassin?"

Altair didn't even turn over. He knew the doctors voice, he had been to see him enough times after missions.

"Sore but nothing I cannot handle."

A slight chuckle and then the old mans face was in front of him.

"Would I get an answer if I asked why you did this?"

Silence and the doctor nodded his head; he knew the assassin wouldn't have answered. He looked over the assassins shoulder and saw Malik entering the makeshift recovery room. He grinned and looked back down at Altair.

"Would you answer Malik if he asked?"

Altair answered grumpily.

"Maybe."

"Well then I leave him to you Malik, see if you can get anything more out of him."

Altair quickly turned onto his back and looked over to see his friend leaning against the doorframe looking down on him with a very pissed off expression on his face.

**Oh Shit.**

Malik gave a curt nod to the doctor as he left and then turned back onto Altair. Altair gulped and looked back up at Malik. He wasn't worried about his friend hurting him, Altair could certainly hold his own against the older man but he didn't really want to have to fight him, especially as he was injured.

"You going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to force it out of you?"

Altair glared over at Malik. Malik gave a dangerous grin back in return.

"Guess I've got to force it out of you."

Altair began to protest as Malik walked over to him. He knew what Malik was capable of. Torture didn't necessarily have to leave any scars; mental torture was worse for Altair than physical who knew what Malik's malicious mind could concoct. His eyes widened at the evil look Malik was giving him. He knew that look; people started making bets at how few words it would take Malik to decimate his opponent when that look was on his face. Altair gulped, would it be better if he gave in and told him what he wanted or face his wrath.

"Last chance Altair; tell me what is going on."

He felt trapped. There were no chains or ropes holding him to the bed but Malik's gaze, his sheer presence was enough to stop him from moving. With one last quick thought he gave in.

"I-I've been hearing voices lately."

Malik stopped his advance on the bed. He blinked once, twice and finally decided to sit down on the bed with Altair.

"Voices?"

Altair nodded solemnly, he couldn't believe how hard it was to tell Malik something as simple as this.

"Yes, Al Mualim, Robert De Sable and the others have come back to haunt me. They blame me for their deaths, which is understandable I did kill them."

"Altair, you needed to kill them, they were going to enslave the world and as for them coming back to haunt you that's a lie, there are no such things as ghosts."

Altair shook his head in sorrow.

"There is, I thought I told you that I saw the people I killed standing, walking about as if still alive when they were really lying at my feet dying."

Malik smiled and grabbed Altairs shoulder.

"That was simply a hallucination brought on by the stress of the kill and the release of adrenaline. You have nothing to fear Altair, you aren't going mad its just guilt nothing more."

Altair looked up at him with wide eyes wanting to believe him but remembering what his master had told him.

"By the way, just in case you're wondering you've been out for a week."

Altairs eye rose.

"A week"

Malik nodded.

"You're lucky you didn't hit a main artery otherwise you wouldn't be here. What were you thinking? Why did you do it?"

Altair closed his eyes in shame.

"I just wanted the voices to stop."

Altairs eyes widened as Malik's face went cold with this admission. His eyes shone with hurt emotion.

""You should have come to me, I would have helped you, we're friends right?"

Altair was about to answer when a voice whispered to him.

_A Murderer that's all you'll ever be to him. He doesn't mean what he says._

Altair looked over Malik's shoulder to the indistinct form of his master, covered in blood.

_Don't listen, he doesn't mean it; he'll simply set you up to knock you down, just like I did._

Altair closed his eyes tightly, trying to shut out the venomous voice.

---

Malik looked over his shoulder where Altair had been looking. There was nothing there.

"Altair what is it? Are they back, the voices?"

Altair squeezed his eyes shut tighter. Malik was getting more and more worried, this wasn't Altair, his Altair was brave, something like this wouldn't get to him so easily. It must be something more, these 'voices' must be using something that truly hurt Altair, that's the only reason he would react like this.

**Maybe it's something to do with the 'real him' that Al Mualim was writing about.**

Malik shook Altair hard and shouted at him, trying to get some reaction other than the squeezing of his eyes.

"Altair its Malik, come on open your eyes."

Altair shook his head, his eyes squeezed so tight it was as if the sight of Malik would have burnt his eyes out.

"Altair, I'm your friend, I want to help you."

"LIER"

Malik took a step back as Altairs eyes shot open and he jumped up. Altair poked Malik in the chest with one finger, pain and dejection on his face.

"Don't lie to me Malik; I know what you really think of me. You think I'm a murderer, I ruined your life. I stole your arm and your brother from you. I'm a disgrace to the assassin brotherhood, I caused the death of my own and I live my life in fear of the ghosts who haunt me. You should have left me to die in my room, at least then you'd be free of me. You wouldn't have to worry about seeing my face again; you could go on living your life knowing that the man who ruined it was dead."

Altair was glaring into Malik's eyes. Malik was shocked to see the pain, fear, desperation and sadness that haunted them, and was more shocked by the enormous shadows that were under his eyes. He pulled Altair into a hug and put his head on top of the younger assassins, ignoring the gasp that came from his. He leant his cheek onto Altairs hair, feeling shocked at how smooth it was.

"Altair, the men who killed my brother are already dead, you killed them."

Altair didn't look up and to Malik it felt as though he was burying himself deeper into his body.

"Them?"

"Al Mualim and the old Altair. You destroyed the evil in your soul and know you can be proud of the man you are. I don't want you dead; I'd miss you too much. You don't have to be ashamed of knowing fear; assassins aren't meant to be fearless. Fear is what keeps us alive, gives us wariness, and keeps us careful. We are meant to know fear but overcome it not deny it, that is what it means to be an assassin."

Malik had noticed that Altair was slowly getting heavier. He looked down at his friend and smiled when he looked back up at him. The grey eyes were starting to get cloudy with sleep. Altair had overdone it again. He carried him over to the bed and gently laid him down.

"Thank you Malik, for everything."

He pulled the blanket up over the nearly sleeping man and smiled.

"It's fine, that's what I'm here for."

He was about to leave when a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, he looked down into the sleepy eyes of the young man. He tried to pull away but the hand tightened.

"Don't…go"

Malik smiled and sat down by Altair and leaned over to pull him in a loose embrace. He knew Altair wouldn't sleep unless he did this to give him some comfort. He didn't mind but it was so unlike the usually stoic man that it shocked him.

"I won't go to sleep."

He was sure Altair mumbled something into his pillow but when he looked the man was fast asleep.

He lifted his feet up and lay down besides Altair, trying to convey comfort and security to the man even in his sleep. Soon he joined the dark haired man in sleep.

**Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

Malik woke up to the sound of screaming. It took him a few moments to realise where he was and whose voice it was.

**Altair?**

He looked over and saw the young assassin twisting around with his arms flailing around. One hit Malik in the side of the face; he rubbed his jaw slightly before grabbing the arms and held them above Altairs head. He straddled the young man and tried to hold him down through the nightmare.

"ALTAIR WAKE UP!"

It got no response except for more screaming, Malik realised that Altair was saying something.

"Malik! No! Please I'm sorry!"

Maliks eyes opened wide in horror, he thought that Altair was relieving the tragedy at Solomon's temple.

"Altair, wake up it's just a nightmare!"

He tried to hold onto the man below him, his one arm holding the others two arms above his head. The man arched his back up suddenly, nearly throwing Malik off. The bandaged wrists flew down out of Maliks grip and some of the bandages came away.

**Shit!**

Altair had curled up into a ball with the small amount of space he'd been given and was now clawing at his own face in terror and panic.

"Malik please don't hate me, I'm sorry please."

Malik was desperately trying to pull Altairs hands away from his face, by now the doctor had rushed in as well and was trying everything he could think of to wake Altair up.

"Master, No, please I don't want to hurt Malik, no, NOOOOOO!"

Altairs eyes shot open. Through his fingers he could see the concerned face of Malik merely inches away from his own. He blushed and looked over his shoulder to the doctor. The doctor sighed and sat on the bed, exhausted from trying to restrain and wake up the writhing man.

"You were having a nightmare."

It was more of a statement than a question but Altair nodded his head. The doctor sighed again and looked at Malik.

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

Malik looked down at Altair, who simply shrugged still looking slightly shocked and breathing very quickly, and then back at the doctor.

"Altair is hearing the voices of the people he's killed; they are coming back to him. I suspect that he hasn't been sleeping because of them and tonight's fiasco just reinforces that."

Altair hung his head and Malik could feel that waves of shame and self-loathing coming from him. He put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. The doctor looked at Altair and put his finger under the assassins chin and lifted his head. He took a quick look at his eyes; he shook his head at the deep shadows that were under his eyes and the haunted look that marked them.

"You should have come to me sooner Altair, I'm used to dealing with this type of thing."

Altairs eyes widened in surprise. Malik smiled at Altairs expression.

"R…really?"

"Of course, you're assassins but you're still human, constantly killing people is bound to have a negative effect on you. At one time or another you're going to start remembering the people you kill. You can only turn your emotions for so long before they kick start with a vengeance."

The doctor stood up and looked at Malik.

"I'll go and get some herbs that will help him sleep, with no dreams. You're going to have to stay with him for a while, at least until he starts improving. I'll get some clean bandages and something for his face. I'll be back in a moment."

"Doctor?"

The doctor looked at Malik again who was studying Altair closely.

"Where are there bandages on both wrists?"

The doctor shook his head soberly and looked at Altair.

"There were fresh cuts on the other wrist. It seems that Altair has been very busy with that hidden blade of his, I can't say anymore I'm sorry."

The doctor spun on his heel and walked out of the room leaving Altair and Malik alone. Silence reigned between them for a few minutes as Malik absorbed this fresh piece of information and Altairs breathing became evener as he finally began to calm down.

"So Altair do you want to tell me about your dream?"

---

Altair groaned, he really didn't want to tell Malik about his dream but he knew that the older man wouldn't take no for an answer, and if he didn't ask about that he'd ask about the cuts to his other wrist.

"Its none of your business, really, it was just a nightmare."

Malik's face turned, if possible, colder.

"You were screaming out my name, and you sounded terrified. I think that qualifies it as my business."

Altair flushed deep red.

"I was talking in my sleep?"

Malik nodded soberly.

"Not so much talking as shouting and screaming."

Malik unconsciously rubbed his jaw with his hand and Altair took a closer look at his friend. He saw the big red mark on his chin where he hit him. He used this to change the topic of conversation.

"Did I do that?"

Malik chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah, you hit harder when your asleep than when your awake."

Altair scowled, inside he felt ashamed that he'd hit Malik, even if he was comatose.

"Don't try to change the subject though what was your dream about? Were you reliving Solomon's temple?"

Altair nodded his head eagerly, this wasn't true but it was better than the truth. Malik grinned but it was dangerous.

"If it was Solomon's temple why were you shouting that you didn't want to hurt me?"

Altairs mouth opened and closed. He knew that he looked like a fish but he couldn't think of anything to say in response.

"Altair, what is so bad that you would rather tell an exceptionally obvious lie rather than tell me the truth?"

Altair closed his eyes trying to compose himself. He opened them and saw Malik looking at him, waiting for an answer.

"I was remembering how you acted after Solomon's temple but it was worse you wouldn't even speak to me when I came to the Bureau on missions, then when I faced my master he managed to control me and was making me kill you. I was standing over you with a bloody sword and Al Mualim was standing behind me with the 'piece of Eden' and he was ordering me to kill you. I was trying to fight him but he was too strong and I…stabbed you."

---

Malik was stunned, not by the dream he had expected something like this but by how Altair had reacted. He knew he had to press forward, if Altair had chance to reclaim his composure then he would never have a chance to get the information out of him.

"Why were you reacting so badly to a dream like that?"

Altairs face was a picture. He looked shocked and appalled at the same time.

"I KILLED YOU, how do you expect me to react? Killing your best friend isn't exactly something you simply shrug off."

Malik could tell there was more to it than that; Altairs face took a guarded expression that Malik knew only too well. It was an 'I'm not telling you anything' type of expression, to Malik it was a challenge.

"There's more you're not telling me, I know you too well by now Altair and you can't hide anything from me."

Altair blinked and paled, Malik grinned. He was going to enjoy getting whatever it was out of the dark haired man, he was getting sick of the 'twenty questions' and he wanted to truth.

"TELL ME ALTAIR!"

"NO!"

Altair tried to stand up and Malik pushed him back down on the bed. He was in the position from before, straddling Altair with his hand holding both of Altairs down.

"Tell me what's wrong! You are stronger than this Altair, simple whispers and ghosts wouldn't affect you this badly, there's something more and you ARE going to tell me!"

Altair bucked, trying to throw the older man off. Malik noticed with intrigue that Altair was blushing more and more with each movement. One of Malik's eyebrows rose and he leaned his face in close to Altairs.

"What's wrong? I haven't got a disease and I'm not so heavy that I'm crushing you so why are you blushing so much?"

Altair bucked up again, trying to dislodge the one armed assassin.

"I'm…not….blushing"

"Yes you are. Why?"

Things began to click in Malik's head quite rapidly. The 'real' Altair, his reactions to Malik sitting on him, the bad dreams and what the ghosts might be using against him. Malik grinned as he came down to the only logical conclusion, he couldn't believe he'd been so dense as to not have seen what was going on. He looked down at Altair who'd gulped at the look on Maliks face.

"Ah, Altair now I understand what's going on?"

He breathed on Altairs lips, smirking more at the shudder he felt run through the man.

"Now are you going to tell me or am I going to have to run it by you?"

**Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

Altair shuddered as Malik's breath ghosted over his lips. He closed his eyes in pleasure and involuntarily arched his back.

"Tell me Altair."

Malik's face was close, very close. Altairs eyes sprung open as Malik released his hands and touched his neck gently. Altair looked up at Malik who had a teasing but affectionate look on his face.

Altair heard a door opening and footsteps. Suddenly Malik was no long above him; he looked over at Malik who was grinning. He leaned in and whispered in Altairs ear.

"We'll continue this later."

He gave Altairs ear a quick lick, making the young man gasp again and then Malik leant back. Altair felt his face flushing hot again and he frowned. Whoever it was had a lousy sense of timing.

He looked at the door with a glare and smirked dangerously when the doctor come in. He could see him looking between the grinning Malik and the pouting, angry looking Altair and it made Altair madder to see him trying to suppress a grin.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Malik answered;

"No of course not, we were just talking."

Malik flashed the doctor a small grin and Altair could feel his heart break slightly. They were mocking him, Malik must have known what he felt all along and he was toying with him. His master was right, Malik didn't care. Tears welled up in his eyes and he stood up. Without looking at either of them, just staring at the floor, he pushed past the doctor and ran though the front door.

---

Malik blinked;

**What the hell?**

He stood up to follow him and it hit him.

**Oh crap, I should have known better than to tease Altair, he has no sense of humour.**

He ran past the doctor and followed Altair out of the door. He looked around and cursed, if Altair didn't want to be found then he wouldn't. He saw an assassin passing and grabbed his arm.

"Have you seen Altair?"

The assassin nodded and pointed back up towards the fortress.

"Yeah, he just ran past me, nearly knocked me over…hey wha…"

Malik didn't listen anymore he just free ran up the hill, bowling over anyone who got in his path. Every so often he grabbed an assassin and asked if they saw Altair until finally he was outside Altair's door. He sighed, shook his head and tentatively knocked on the younger assassin's door.

"Go away!"

Malik shook his head.

"Listen Altair, I didn't mean it."

"I know that you didn't, GO AWAY!!"

Malik couldn't understand if Altair knew he didn't mean it then why was he so upset. Then it dawned on him, he wasn't upset by the teasing, he was upset because he thought Malik hadn't meant IT. Right, time to prove the master assassin wrong. He braced himself and took a few steps back.

"ALTAIR! If you don't open the door then I'm breaking it down!"

One the other side of the door there was a self-pitying chuckle. Malik knew that Altair probably thought he didn't mean it and that made an exceptionally wide grin grace his features. He rolled his shoulder and took a deep breath, massaging the point where his neck met his shoulder with his one hand.

"Alright I'm coming in"

"No! You wouldn't dare!"

It was too late; a crash echoed though the corridor as Malik broke down Altairs door again. Malik looked in and saw Altair with his back to him, he looked down at the sheets and saw little red spots on it, which was unusual since the other assassins had fixed his door and changed his sheets a day after his suicide attempt. Malik groaned in incredulity;

"Oh not again, Altair what's wrong with you?"

Altair stood up and walked towards the window with his back still to Malik.

"Are you fucking joking? You don't care what happens to me so don't start getting all fucking sentimental on me now."

Malik leant against the door and groaned. He knew he was in trouble if Altair was swearing at him. The younger assassin didn't like swearing unless he was really angry or hurt. He stalked up to Altair and spun him around and his heart sunk into his stomach. There were fresh cuts all over his forearms and his bandages were lying in a bloody heap on the other side of the bed.

"Oh god Altair what have you done?"

Altair pushed him away.

"What are you king of the bleeding hearts or something? Don't come to me with your fucking fake sympathy? Get out of my room or I'll shove my blade between your legs and cut your balls off."

"And that's stage two of the psychosis, anger."

They both looked at the door and saw the doctor there with another assassin. Malik glared.

"I can handle this."

The other assassin stepped forward and pushed past Malik.

"I can handle it better."

Malik saw red and grabbed the man on the arm. If this guy thought he was going to leave Altair without explaining what happened then he had another thing coming.

"Who do you think you are? Do you think you're better than me or something. Storming in here, pushing past me and saying you can deal with Altair better than me. I'm his best friend, we have a connection, I know what he's going through and can help him better than you."

The unknown assassin rolled his eyes.

"Oh please, don't give me a friendship speech. Altair is obviously distressed, the doctor called me in because I have experience dealing with assassins who are suffering from this condition. I'm an expert in the field and have suffered with it myself, now listen I'm not insulting your ability to help Altair I'm just saying that I can deal better with this since it's my job."

Malik nodded in silence but Altair wasn't having any of it.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"

The unnamed man glared at him and for once in his life Altair was silenced. The assassin turned to Malik and smiled.

"It might be better if you left him alone for a while, give him time to cool off. I'll leave the room, let you say your goodbyes."

Malik nodded up at the man and shook his hand. The doctor and the assassin left the room and walked down the corridor until Malik couldn't hear their feet. He sat by his friend and waited for Altair to say something.

"I'm sorry."

Malik looked up at him and smiled.

"For what? The doctor said this was the next stage so you're forgiven."

Altair shook his head.

"No not for that, I mean for responding to you earlier. I should have known that you didn't feel anything and you were just teasing me but I guess I was craving any type of affection that I responded. Again I'm sorry, I guess it's another part of my mental illness."

Altair looked up at Malik and smiled, trying to convince Malik that inside his heart wasn't shattering. So naturally he was shocked at the look of supreme anger on Malik's face.

"Altair you really shouldn't lie to me about something like this. I know you've felt something for me for some time, it was in the master's journal."

As soon as those words left Malik's lips he wished he could take them back. Altair stood up and pointed to the door with one bloody finger.

"Get out."

Malik blinked up at the man.

"What? What did I do?"

Altairs eyes were practically glowing red with suppressed anger.

"You teased me knowing that I loved you, made a mockery of my feelings. That's unforgivable. GET OUT BEFORE I RUN YOU THROUGH MALIK!"

Malik shook his head and tried to reason with the raging man before him, he could hear running coming down the corridor and he knew the doctor and the assassin were returning.

"Altair please I wasn't teasing you I meant it, all of it"

"GET OUT!"

Altair activated his hidden blade and Malik was unsurprised to see it was covered with Altairs own blood. He'd thought that the assassins had removed all the blade from Altairs room but he supposed that Altair had kept one stashed away in case of emergencies. Altair stalked up to Malik like an angry panther and Malik stumbled back, trying to put as much distance between him and the angry dark haired man as possible. The assassin accompanying the doctor ran in and tackled Altair. Malik was shocked to see he had rope in his hands. The assassin wrestled Altair to the floor, using his greater weight to pin him down and ripped the hidden blade off his arm. Altair screamed in anger and began to punch the man in the face. Malik joined in the fray and held down Altairs arms, being extra careful to avoid the bloody wounds. The other assassin heaved Altair up, threw him on the bed and tied his wrists to the bedposts, what Malik had previously thought was rope was infact bandages, even if Altair did try to rip them off it wouldn't work and they wouldn't hurt him as much as rope would.

"There that should hold him until we get you out of the room."

Malik nodded sombrely, look at the bucking Altair and walked out. When he left the room he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over at the doctor who was looking as sad as he felt.

"Don't worry Malik, me and Ralim will help Altair. He'll be back soon."

Malik shook his head and began to walk away, saying one thing quietly as he left.

"Not soon enough."

**Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


	5. Chapter 5

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

The next day Malik went to visit the doctor. He hadn't slept at all last night, he was too concerned about Altair to actually relax even though he was so exhausted that he could fall asleep where he stood, every time he felt himself falling asleep Altairs angry voice blasted through his head.

_You teased me knowing that I love you. That's unforgivable. GET OUT BEFORE I RUN YOU THROUGH MALIK!_

He shook his head and put his hand onto the doctor's front door. It eased open with a loud creak and Malik stepped into the darkness inside the house. The smell of herbs and a slight lingering trace of incense, not enough to overpower but enough to create a certain feel to the small house. Malik scanned the room and found no trace of the doctor.

"Doctor? Are you in here?"

Malik walked around the room, looking through the doors leading off the entrance room. He assumed that the man was up at the fortress and was about to leave when the door opened behind him. He turned around and saw the doctor and Ralim enter. They looked terrible. The doctor had enormous bags under his eyes and Ralim was holding a bloody tissue to his nose and had a massive bruise on the left side of his face that Malik assumed Altair had given to him. Malik ran his hand through his hair in frustration and tugged it as he growled. The doctor looked up from the conversation he was having with Ralim and smiled at the sight of Malik standing in the centre of the room.

"Ah Malik glad that you're here."

Malik grabbed the doctors shoulder gently and shook it gently.

"How is he Doctor Ishtar? Is he going to be okay? He hasn't done anything stupid has he?"

The doctor took Malik's hand off of his shoulder and placed it down by Malik's side. He stared into Malik's eyes and noted the shadows underneath them.

"You haven't slept."

"How can I with Altair in the state he's in?"

The doctor put his bag on the table and began bustling around the room, grabbing small bottles and pouring them into a cup. Malik watched this with a detached interest.

"So how is he?"

"Asleep, he was up all night talking with Ralim."

Malik noticed with amusement that as he said this Ralim rubbed his cheek unconsciously. Ralim looked at him with a slightly shamed smile. Malik nodded in reply and turned back to Doctor Ishtar.

"So anything new come out?"

"Not really, other than the fact he's really pissed off with you and that he knew something like this would happen."

Malik looked down at the floor in embarrassment, Ralim was looking at him as though he was the devil incarnate.

"I can't believe you Malik, you knew he was fragile yet you tried to seduce him, teased him about it and then brought his world crashing down in one foul swoop. If I had best friends like you I'd hate to think what my enemies would be like."

Malik had his mouth open, ready to retort when the doctor stepped in.

"I'm as much to blame as well, I slightly teased him as well."

Ralim rounded on the old man.

"Yes but it wouldn't hurt nearly as much coming from you."

Malik rubbed his face with his hand.

"I wasn't teasing him, I meant it. I….I love him."

Malik blinked in wonder. He loved Altair? When he thought about it he realised it was true. He had thought it was simple sexual attraction but when he thought longer about it he realised it went so much deeper. When Altair had caused the tragedy at Solomon's temple it had felt like his soul was being ripped out and his heart ripped in two, every time Altair came to his bureau it broke his heart a little more, he saw that Altair was changing for the better and as much as he wanted to forgive there was always a slight slither of doubt in his mind, that it was too good to be true. When the ice finally broke he thought it was too late to revive their friendship but it was and he was so happy. So very happy and now he's finally realised what it meant.

"I love him and oh my god I've broken him."

He feel to the floor, waves upon waves of despair washed over him as his exhaustion made everything two million times worse. A hand was placed on his shoulder and a cup was lifted to his mouth.

"Drink this Malik."

Malik opened his mouth willingly, the doctor's order cutting through the haze of depression. He drank every last drop and almost instantly the warm embrace of sleep washed over him.

---

He didn't know how much time had past and frankly he didn't care. He was curled up into a ball on the doctors bed, in the position that Altair had taken only days earlier. He couldn't come to terms to how much he had hurt Altair. He felt the bed sag slightly as someone sat besides him, he looked up to the hulking form of Ralim.

"Malik."

"Ralim"

There was silence, so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"It might be beneficial to both of you if you go to visit."

Malik glared at Ralim, was the man insane?

"He'll only get angry and try to kill me."

Ralim laughed and stared down at the curled up man besides him.

"I don't think so. If I thought that I'd be banning you. What you said…it sounded genuine and if you can talk with that much conviction to Altair then I think you just might be the one to save him."

A few more minutes past and Ralim stood back up again.

"Think about it Malik, it might do you both some good."

Malik was left alone with his thoughts until finally he made his decision. He stood up and walked out of the bedroom, passing a silent Ralim and Doctor Ishtar who were sitting at the big wooden table in the centre of the room. He walked out the front door, up to the fortress and found himself once again standing outside Altairs bedroom door. He thought about knocking but then he thought better of it. He turned the handle and walked in. The room was peaceful, a far cry from what it was a day ago. The sheets were clean and there was no traces of blood anywhere in the room. He looked at the bed and smiled at the sleeping form of Altair. He looked so peaceful.

"So Handsome."

He couldn't believe he'd just said that out loud. He sat on the bed and ran his hand over the clean crisp linen sheets. He ran it further up and over the chin of the sleeping man. He wished with all his heart that he'd thought more before he opened his mouth, thought more about the repercussions of his actions. When he was younger, wiser, he was always hesitant about his actions, thinking about every possible outcome when he made a decision, in everything but when it came to Altair it seemed he lost all logical thought and just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm sorry Altair, I know you can't hear me but I want to say it. I really did mean what I did yesterday. I wanted to hold you, kiss you. I wasn't teasing you. I would never do that. I just wish you'd believe me."

Malik leant forward and place a light kiss on the sleeping mans lips and stood up to walk back out. Now he only had to say that when he was awake.

"I can't believe you actually had the guts to come back here and kiss me after what you did."

Malik spun around and saw a very angry Altair who was just waking up.

"You…you heard what I said."

Altair rubbed the back of his head still glaring at Malik.

"You were talking? No I didn't hear what you said you back stabbing bastard. I don't think it'd be anything important coming from you though."

"I was trying to explain what happened. I was trying to apologise."

Altair snorted, looking away from Malik and out of the window.

"And what could you possibly say that would make me believe you."

Malik balled his fists up in frustration. Should he say it? Would Altair actually believe him? He closed his eyes and decided to follow his heart this one time.

"Because I love you…"

He didn't have a chance to say anymore as the venomous look Altair threw him made him stutter into silence. Altairs glare was cold. Very cold.

"I can't believe you just said that, seriously Malik do you expect me to believe you've fallen in love with me overnight, which is seriously the biggest load of bullshit I've heard in a while."

Malik took it all in silence. His fists were still clenched when Altair reached the end of his tirade.

"It wasn't overnight, I've only realised what everything meant after a conversation with Ralim. All the things i'd been feeling over the years but was too dense to realise what they mean."

"Malik I don't believe you, just go before you do anything to make things worse."

Malik laughed, but it was a half sob, half hysterical chuckle.

"Okay Altair I'll leave, I don't know when I'll be back though so I guess this is goodbye."

Altair looked at him in shock. At any other time Malik would be laughing at him for that expression but right now things were no laughing matter.

"What do you mean Malik? If you think you'll get any sympathy from me…"

Malik exploded.

"YOU. It's always you. I'm not leaving as part of some elaborate sympathy ploy so get that idea out of your head. I'm leaving because I'm obviously not helping your recovery…"

Malik spun around and opened the door; he looked over his shoulder at Altair and made one final remark before he walked away from the one person he loved above anyone else.

"And I'm leaving because being around you when you're like this is breaking my heart."

Malik shut the door behind him, leaving a very confused Altair staring at the door in silence.

**Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


	6. Chapter 6

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

Malik folded a shirt and put it into the pack on his bed. Ralim had visited, obviously, trying to convince him to go and see Altair again but it had fallen on deaf ears. There had been tears, oh god there had been tears from Malik but it didn't change his mind. He wouldn't stay, he couldn't stay in all good conscience, he knew that if he stayed in Masyaf it would be a hindrance to Altairs recovery. He heard footsteps behind him and simply assumed it was Ralim again.

"I'm not staying Ralim, I can't. I love him too damn much, if I stay it will only have a negative effect on Altairs condition and I can't stay if I know it's hurting him."

Malik wiped a tear from his eye with his hand and went back to packing his bags. He numbly placed the clothes into the rucksack and picked up another article of clothing.

"You really do care don't you Malik?"

Malik spun around and saw Altair leaning against the doorframe, he looked pale and shaky but he was smiling. Malik paled, he hadn't expected Altair to actually come and see him before he left. This was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done. Altair looked at Malik and rubbed his head in embarrassment.

"Malik, say something this is awkward."

Malik turned back around and carried on packing, his eyes were tearing up. This was a lot harder than he thought; he couldn't believe how hard this was. Before he found out he loved Altair he would have waved, smiled and just gone back to his bureau, he would have been slightly sad but nowhere near the extent he was now.

"What is there to say Altair? I'm leaving so you can get better, we'll still see each other when you come to Jerusalem on missions, and it isn't goodbye forever."

Malik was saying this more to convince himself than Altair, he knew that in his hard. He sighed and dropped the piles of clothes he was holding back onto the bed. He sat on the bed but still refused to look at Altair. He put his elbow onto his knees and leant his head on his hand. He heard footsteps and still refused to look up at the dark haired man that had sat by him.

"Malik, are you really leaving to go to Jerusalem? Really?"

Malik waved his hand in front of him in a gesture of frustration. Altair really was dense if he expected Malik to stay here.

"No Altair I'm doing this on a whim, of course I'm leaving. I'm not sticking around when all I'm getting is threats and especially if I'm simply putting your treatment back with every visit."

He picked up one of the shirts he'd dropped on the bed and began to refold it, placing it on his knees to compensate for his lack of another hand. The silence that was echoing back and forth between them was heartbreaking in so many ways; Altair was staring at the side of Malik's head waiting for his friend to say something. When he didn't Altair grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

"If you really loved me you'd have tried harder, you're just proving to me that you don't really love me."

"What? So you're saying that I should stay here, facing physical and verbal abuse from someone whose supposed to love me simply to give him reinsurance."

Altair nodded enthusiastically a big smile on his face. Malik sighed at the look of desperation in those grey eyes. Altair wasn't in his right mind, he was unhinged and alone. Emotionally fragile and in desperate need of any type of affection.

"Altair, have you completely lost your mind?"

"Most likely."

Malik glanced up at Altair and noticed the enormous grin on Altairs face; he couldn't help but grin in return. He put the shirt he was folding into his rucksack and picked up another.

"I'm not changing my mind, you'll be better off without me Altair, we both know that."

Tears welled up in Altairs eyes but before he could respond there was a cough from the doorway. They both looked over and saw Doctor Ishtar standing in the doorway. He was looking at the two men with eyes filled with sympathy and sadness.

"Altair, we've been searching for you. You need to get rest; you've suffered from extreme blood loss."

Altair glared up at the man with his cold grey eyes. The man shuddered at the lack of kindness in them but stood his ground, he was the doctor assigned to Altair and he would make sure that he stayed in bed even if he had to tie him down. Altair shook his head and stood up, walking out of Malik's bedroom.

"Come talk to me before you leave Malik, and don't try to sneak out because I'll just track you down."

Altair stalked out of the room closely followed by the doctor. Malik stood up, turned towards the bed and carried on folding his clothes. His mind wasn't on the task at hand but on the elegant man that had just left.

---

Malik dropped his bags outside of Altairs door. He couldn't help but grin; the other assassins had come and complained about the fact that they'd had to replace the door three times in the same amount of days. He knocked lightly on the door and waited patiently for the man on the other side to answer. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally answered the door. No words were exchanged as he simply left the room and held the door open for Malik to proceed. Malik gave a curt nod and walked through the door. Lying on the bed was Altair, still awake but only barely. Malik gave a small smile at the grumpy expression on his face.

"Please Malik don't just stand there, sit down."

Malik shook his head, Altair was still grumpy.

"Can we make this quick Altair I want to be on the road in less than an hour."

"Malik you're cold aren't you?"

Malik through an unreadable glance at the incapacitated assassin.

"I learnt from the best so you have only yourself to thank."

Altairs eyebrow raised slightly. Malik was in no mood for Altair, he'd really had enough of Altairs mood swings, and he'd had enough of Altairs self-pitying. He knew that it was part of the psychosis that Altair was going through but it still broke his heart. His love had been reduced to a spoilt brat and it tore his soul out, trod on it and ripped it into a million pieces.

"Malik this isn't like you."

"Yeah but this is what you've created."

Altair shook his head, tears in his eyes.

**Oh great another mood swing**

Malik walked over to the bed and sat down. He pulled Altair into a hug and rested his head onto Altairs.

"Altair, I can't stay. As much as I would love to I know I need to leave, if not for me then for you."

Altair nodded from his place in Malik's chest. Malik kissed the top of his head and nuzzled into Altairs hair.

"I'll be back Altair, as soon as your well again I'll be back and we'll talk."

A hand on his cheek silence Malik and he looked down into the tear glazed eyes of Altair.

"I know you love me Malik, I was just too dense to understand."

He pulled Malik's head down and kissed Malik on the lips. Malik was about to succumb to the sweet and needy lips that were moving over his when he realised what he was doing and pulled away. He looked down at Altair with eyes dark with lust and love.

"No Altair, we'll deal with this when you are in the right state of mind."

Altair nodded silently and watched as the man he loved walked out the door not knowing he wouldn't see him again for another year.

**Please R and R, no flames thank you**


	7. Chapter 7

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

**A/N: This chapter is mostly dialogue from Altair, I'm sorry if this takes away from the pace of the story but it is slightly necessary to do it like this, normal service will resume next chapter.**

Ralim walked into Altairs room. The assassin was staring out of the window into the red sky. The sunset shone dully through his window, accentuating the shadows of his room. It had been three months since Malik had left Masyaf and Altair had given up the fight. He'd stopped shouting and become ominously quiet. Ralim looked at the hunched man on the bed and shook his head.

"Altair it's been three months since Malik left, he left so you could get better, and he'd hate to see you in this state."

Altair didn't answer but carried on looking outside, his eyes dull and devoid of the inner fire they used to possess. Ralim sat down on the bed and put his hand on Altairs shoulder.

"Altair, the sooner you open up to me the sooner Malik will come back, like he said it isn't goodbye forever."

"He shouldn't have gone."

Ralim smiled, he was finally getting a reaction out of the dark haired man. He placed his hand on the mans shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

"I know that, you know that but Malik did what he thought was best for both of you."

Altairs shoulder shook slightly and Ralim knew he was trying to keep tears in.

"It's my fault he's gone."

Ralim sighed. He knew this was going to come; it just took him a lot longer than he thought it would. He'd been waiting for Altair to break down and say that and he knew how to deal with it.

"No, it's the illnesses fault and the only way we can rectify the problem is by dealing with the illness, so are you ready?"

Altair looked over his shoulder at the man, Ralim blinked as he saw the eyes red from crying and the sadness that filled them. Altair face looked puzzled and questioning.

"Ready for what?"

Ralim grinned and squeezed the shoulder again.

"Your treatment."

---

Altair was sitting at the table in the doctor's house facing Ralim and Doctor Ishtar. He was nervous, exceedingly nervous because he knew that this would be either the making or the breaking of his treatment. He gulped at the predatory look in Ralims eyes; he knew this man wouldn't let him leave the house without them at least making some progress. Ralim placed his hands flat on the table and leant over to look Altair in the eyes.

"Altair, this is it. If you want to get better you're going to have to tell us exactly what has been going on."

Ralim leant back and his eyes grew softer and more reassuring.

"We are not going to judge you, shout at you or think any less of you no matter what you tell us. This is a mental illness and we are willing to take anything into account."

Ralim smiled as if this was meant to give Altair peace of mind but it did nothing to reassure him.

"You say that but some of the things are from before my mental illness, will you still think the same of me when I tell you them?"

Ralim and the Doctor smiled and nodded, they knew some of the 'secrets' that Altair was scared to reveal and they didn't think anything less of the man sitting before them. Altair took a deep breath and smiled nervously, this was going to take a lot out of him but if he was going to tell them it was going to be all in one go.

"When I first came to Masyaf Al Mualim took me in, raised me, taught me and was like the father I never had. I trusted him implicitly with everything. All my secrets, my dreams, aspirations…everything. Including my feelings for my best friend and the fact that I was gay. I was terrified of people finding out about that, especially Malik, if the other assassins found out I was gay I would lose all their respect and the old me couldn't bear to live like that."

Altair felt a bead of moisture run down his cheek, he wiped the tear away impatiently, that was the past and he couldn't change the person he used to be.

"I trusted the master with everything and he accepted me, he tried to mould me into the perfect assassin but my arrogance and pride were always obstacles he couldn't overcome. I felt ashamed for the problems I caused him, he gave me everything a home and a reason for living and all I did was cause him problems"

Altair shook his head ruefully. Ralim was watching the man with a mixture of pity and respect in his eyes. He wouldn't be able to be so critical about himself but Altair was showing them all his shortcomings and ripping them apart one by one. The Doctor couldn't look at the man due to the tears in his own eyes and he knew if Altair saw them it would push him over the edge into crying.

"Then THAT incident happened, I almost killed the man I loved more than life itself simply because I wanted to impress him even though, deep down, I knew it was never going to work. Malik hated everything I had become; he knew me as a child and knew that the man I had become was nothing like the boy he knew."

Altair shook his head sadly.

"Because of me he lost his brother and his arm, because of me his life was shattered. That made me change my ways, more so than my master trying to kill me, more than anything the thought of the man I love hating me totally, utterly and completely was more than enough to make me change my ways but nobody will know that, they will always think it was due to my master."

Altair smiled depressingly, it didn't reach his eyes.

"Then I find out my master has been using me since the start, all the time I've known him he's been using me for his own reasons, his own devious purposes. He knew all my secrets and would hold them over my head. Then I had to kill him, the man who knew me the best."

Altair looked down at his hands and sighed.

"Now he's haunting me, telling me that Malik hated me. He's in my dreams, making me do things to Malik, horrible things. I can't take it anymore, the dreams, and the visions."

Ralim smiled at Altair and grabbed his hand.

"You've started on the road to recovery now."

---

Nine months later and Altair had begun to smile again. Ralim had been counselling him four days out of the week and for the rest the doctor was checking his scars. They'd all healed and Altair had stopped self-harming, Ralim knew that Altair was nearly better because he'd started to nag for Malik again. For a few months Ralim and the Doctor had been really worried, Altair had stopped talking again and had taken to sitting in his room all day, barely eating anything and staring out the window. They'd snapped him out of that by telling him that if he didn't start talking he'd never see Malik again.

Ralim walked into Altairs room with a sly grin on his face. Unbeknownst to Altair Malik was returning today. A few hours and he'd be back in Masyaf. Altair looked at the other assassin and grinned back,

"What's got you in such a good mood? Who's the poor sap on the receiving end and don't say me."

"Nothing Altair, I'm just happy to see you in such a good mood. You're nearly recovered, a few more weeks and I'll be happy to sign you off."

Altairs grin grew into a full fledged smile. He followed Ralim out of his room and down to the doctor's house, today was a counselling. They got to the doctors and opened the door. Ralim blinked at the other man who was in the room with the doctor and pushed Altair back out the door.

"We're a little early, give me a minute and you can go in."

Altair nodded with a smile still on his face.

"Of course."

Ralim went into the house and five minutes later his head stuck out again.

"You can come in now."

Altair walked in and looked around. There was no body else in there which confused him slightly.

"Where's the other guy who was in here?"

Ralim and the doctor looked back at him in confusion.

"Who? There was no one else in here."

Altair shook his head.

"Must be some left over psychosis. Okay what we doing today?"

Ralim smiled and patted him on the back.

"We're discussing Malik today."

Altair blinked in confusion

"Malik? What about him?"

Ralim grinned predatorily.

"Your feelings. All of them."

Altair nodded, not understanding what this was all about but just launched into a speech about his feelings.

---

"I love him more than anything and I regret everything I've done to him. That's it."

Ralim smiled and looked at the doctor. The doctor started coughing and Altair knew this was over the top.

"What are you two up to? You don't think that fake coughs going to fool me."

Ralim smiled again and Altair nearly jumped half a mile out of his skin when a hand was placed firmly on his shoulder.

"It was not meant to Altair,"

Altair looked over his shoulder and smiled joyously at the sight of Malik. There were tears in the other mans eyes.

"I didn't know you cared so much."

Altair stood up gently and wrapped his arms around the older man. Malik smiled down at the dark haired man. He wrapped his one arm back around the younger man and muttered into his hair.

"Now we have a lot of talking to do as I recall."

**Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


	8. Chapter 8

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

"Now we have a lot of talking to do as I recall."

Altair blinked once, twice and then a big grin spread across his face. He nuzzled his head further in Malik's chest and whispered;

"Yeah, let's go back to my room."

Malik looked over the younger mans shoulder and nodded to the other two men who were sitting down. Ralim simply waved his hand in a nonchalant manner and Doctor Ishtar smiled as he watched them leave his house. When they were gone the Doctor turned to Ralim with a confused look on his face.

"Why did you ask him to tell us his feelings about Malik?"

Ralim chuckled slyly.

"Malik was feeling a little nervous, he thought Altairs feelings might have changed after a year being apart. That was just my way of reassuring him."

The doctor's grin grew sly.

"You're sneaky, you know that."

"That's why I'm an assassin."

---

They didn't even make it to the door before they were devouring each other. Altairs bedroom door flung open and Malik stumbled in, holding Altair aloft with his one hand and Altairs legs around his hips.

"I…thought we were going…to talk."

Altair pushed him onto his bed and looked down with a devilish grin.

"Talk later…promise. God Malik I've missed you so much."

Malik back arched as Altair bent over him and bit down hard on his neck and lapped the mark that he left. He looked up at the pleasured look on Malik's face and grinned.

"Mine!"

"Yes…yes I'm yours."

Malik's mind was hazy, he knew there was something important he should have been talking about but he couldn't think what it was, especially with Altairs tongue running over his throat. He heard a rip and looked down to see Altair pulling apart his shirt. He pouted down at the younger man.

"That was my favourite shirt."

Malik's heart skipped a beat as Altair looked back up at him with eyes clouded with lust. Malik knew that he had to intervene now. They needed to talk. He didn't want to make love to Altair until they had sorted everything out. He gently pushed Altair back, laughing slightly at the large amount of resistance the usually stoic man was giving him.

**He must really want this bad**

Altair gave him a wounded look and Malik quickly grabbed his head and put a heart-felt kiss on his lips.

"I want you Altair but I want to talk first. Then I'll give you what you want so badly."

Altair frowned and ground his hips down into the older mans, earning himself another groan and a sharp shove. Malik groaned, arched his hips and looked up at his partner;

"Later."

Altair frowned and sniffed, getting up off of Malik. Malik couldn't contain the grin at the sight of the grumpy assassin, Altair sat down with his arms and legs folded and looked over at his lover.

"Okay Malik so you wanted to talk?"

Malik sat up and flashed a blinding smile at his boyfriend.

"Yeah, it's been so long since we saw each other last that I want us to catch up before we start tearing each others clothes off."

Altair gave a sultry smile and scooted up the bed, closer to his love.

"Why can't we do it the other way around?"

Malik rolled his eyes, sometimes his Altair acted more like a teenager than a hardened assassin. He gently laid his hand onto of Altairs.

"Because I want everything straightened out, then I'll love you anyway you want me too."

Altair smirked at his boyfriend;

"You do know how clichéd that sounds don't you?"

"Yes but I meant every word."

Malik loosely embraced Altair and leant his head onto the young mans shoulder. He really had missed him a lot and now he was back with him he wouldn't let the other man out of his sight.

"I never stopped thinking about you. Every second I was away from here felt like an eternity."

Altair squeezed the man in his arms; he felt a slight shudder run through the older man and grinned. He rubbed his cheek against Malik's and sighed. He dreamt about this for years and now he had the man he'd longed for in his arms, and he was going to be able to make love to him. He smiled.

_Dream come true_

"So how have you been Altair?"

"Fine, Ralim says my psychosis is almost gone and the doctor helped heal all the cuts on my arms but I'm going to have some serious scarring."

Malik frowned and pulled up Altairs sleeve. Sure enough there was new scarring all over his arm but there were also fainter ones, many years old.

"There are older scars."

"Those are from the fights I got into. You can't be an assassin without getting hurt."

Malik nodded in understanding. He'd got quite a few scars where he had been careless and let an enemy get too close or a lucky swing in. He gently kissed Altairs arm and earned a breathless gasp as a reward. He grinned, gave a quick lick and pulled away.

"They do nothing to detract from your beauty that comes from the inside. Altair you're a good guy no matter what I or anybody else might have said and I've love you for such a long time. I was just incredibly dense and didn't see it."

Altairs eyes welled up and he pulled Malik's face towards his. He placed a small kiss on Malik's lips and pulled back. He gently stroked it and looked deep into Malik's eyes. Malik was shocked at the amount of love and trust that was in them. An assassin was trained to conceal his feelings and when they were shown it was a sight to behold. Like when Malik had raged about Altair's incompetence, that was a breaking of his own barriers, but seeing Altair pour out his emotions through his eyes it took Malik's breath away and all he could do was utter three words.

"I love you."

**Mega short chapter I know but I currently have the mother of all writers blocks so if you bear with me I will try to work through it. Sorry again and thanks to everyone who has read this and stuck with it, it's appreciated. Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


	9. Chapter 9

Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik

Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.

To the bitter end

**Bold: Peoples thought**

Altair opened his eyes blurrily. The room was dark which told him he'd slept through most of the day, which wasn't a surprise considering the 'workout' Malik had given him. He looked over his shoulder at his sleeping lover with a grin, Malik had his arm draped over Altairs waist and there was a content smile on his face. Altair's heart swelled with love and affection and he placed a soft kiss on the other mans lips.

_He's just using you you know._

Altair's eyes widened and his head spun over to look at the indistinct form of his master looking over the bed with hard cold eyes.

"You're not real, go away."

The man laughed and it sounded cold and hollow. It sent unpleasant shivers up and down his spine. He considered waking his boyfriend so he didn't have to face this alone but in the end he discarded that idea. He would have to deal with this on his own eventually and now was as good a time as any, while he was secure in the knowledge that Malik loved him.

_You might think that you're secure in the knowledge that this man loves you but if you were truly secure then I wouldn't be here. I'm a manifestation of your doubt and internal conflict. You say I'm not real but what I say is what you think and that's enough._

Altair glared at the man. When he thought he was cured, bam his mind decided to regress, well that was going to stop. He was going to deal with it right here, right now.

"So you're my internal doubt and angst, right?"

The ghostly figure nodded and smiled, predatorily, down at the naked man. Altair glared at the incorporeal man and sighed as his former master nodded;

_Yes but I only say things that you yourself are thinking and feeling so if you want to get angry get angry at yourself because these are your thoughts not mine._

Altair smirked, this 'ghost' was talking differently to his former master now and that made it less intimidating. While it was pretending to be a ghost it had seemed frightening but now it was just another internal conflict, and he had dealt with plenty of those before. Every kill that he had made had caused him internal conflicts about the justification for taking a mans life.

_Ah but Altair you've never been this weak before, this fragile which will make dealing with me that much harder and none of those arguments will match up to what I have in store for you._

Altair grinned dangerously, so his conscious had decided to show its true colours, this was just another enemy he needed to defeat, his own internal conflict and indecision. If he didn't back down here he'd be one step further on his road of recovery. He sat on the bottom of the bed and spread his hands wide.

"Go on then, give me your best shot."

The image of his master blinked in surprise, it had expected Altair to be worried or at least show a little fear but Altair looked as though he was looking forward to this. Al Mualim leant forward and looked deep into Altair's eyes.

_I can't believe you Altair, I expected so much more. The price at which you sold your soul was abysmally low._

It was Altair's turn to blink in conclusion. He didn't understand how he had sold his soul.

"What do you mean? I never 'sold my soul' that was what you did when you tried to brainwash the world; you betrayed every principle you ever stood for and for what? Power?"

The illusion laughed derisively. It looked down at the naked assassin with a mixture of pity and disdain.

_Yes but look at what high a price it took me to sell out. World domination. You betrayed yourself for a one armed man who might not even love you in return. You might be an impermanent bed partner for him and you changed yourself. You used to be so self-sure, it bordered on arrogant but as soon as you realised the man you lusted after didn't like that you changed. You flipped into a cowering fool with jumped up ideas of his own nobility. It is truly pathetic._

Al Mualim arched an eyebrow as he heard soft chuckling. He looked at the bowed head of Altair and gasped when the man looked him in the eyes. There was a slight undercurrent of rage and understanding that threw the manifestation of Altairs psyche off-balance.

"Are you quite done? You say the price of my soul was low but you're wrong. I say I got a pretty good deal for it. I wouldn't trade in a pile of dung for my soul, yet Malik accepted me, loved me in a way I never could do for myself. I hate what I am and what I used to be so I say that the 'one armed man' fell short when he choose to take me and that makes all your arguments useless. So what if I'm not permanent, I don't care. I'm going to cherish the time I get with Malik because it will give me the strength to get me through my pitiful existence."

Al Mualim scowled as he saw Altair smirk. He knew he was quickly loosing his power over the dark haired man and needed to do something to shift the tide.

_You still haven't accepted yourself though Altair and as soon as Malik realises how broken you are he'll discard you. As soon as he realises the 'real you' is a pitiful, self-hating man who thinks everything he does is wrong and can't bear to live in his own skin he'll toss you aside and move on to someone who's more confident and willing to please him the way he wants._

Altair blanched. It was true, he had been too nervous and body shy to do half the thing Malik wanted last night but he remembered the love and warmth that Malik displayed and he smirked back up at his master. He knew this last comment was going to banish the illusions, stop the voices and all he had to do was accept his flaws.

"I know what I am. I know that I will never truly love myself or have faith in my abilities, that's why I faked my confidence and tried to act cocky, too impress others to give myself false ideas of my own self-worth but none of that matters now because I know that Malik loves me and that's all I'll ever need, if it lasts for one moment or a life-time I'll know that at one point I was loved. So do me a favour 'master' and get out of my life."

He watched with satisfaction as the man before him scream and imploded leaving the room silent. It felt like an eternity before a voice came from behind Altair.

"So you finally faced your demons then."

Altair turned around and saw Malik sitting up with a smile on his face. Altair slid back up the bed and rejoined Malik under the covers. He looked at the spot where his 'master' had been standing and smile. For the first time in years he felt the weight on his heart being lifted and it made him exceptionally happy. He knew he was a long way from being 'cured' but maybe he never would be but ridding himself of his demons was the first of many steps he and Malik would take.

"Yeah, I just had to come to terms with the fact I'm not perfect and never will be. I'll always see flaws in myself but its only natural. No meaning to sound sentimental and soppy but it won't matter because I know that whatever happens I'll have you to help me get through it and that's all that counts.

Malik looked down at his lover and pressed a gentle kiss onto his lips.

"I'm so proud of you, and by the way you are not temporary, you're permanent. I'm not letting anyone take you away from me and I'll kill the bastard who thinks he can. No matter what you think about yourself, I think you're perfect and I'm going to prove it to you right now."

Altair laughed and wrapped his arms around Malik pulling him down for another passionate kiss. He gasped at the look of lust in Malik's eyes and then groaned as he felt Malik's hand run down his body, rubbing all his sensitive areas. He looked deep into his boyfriends eyes and saw passion, lust and most importantly love radiating out from them. He hissed as Malik leant down and bit hard on Altairs neck.

"Mine."

Altair closed his eyes in ecstasy and arched his back hissing out the one word that was ripped straight from his heart.

"Forever."

**The End**

**That's it. Finished. So what does everyone think? Please R and R, no flames thank you.**


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